Just For Couples
Did your relationship start out great, and you can’t figure out why you’re so unhappy now? The National Census Bureau reports that divorce rates are still above 40% nationwide. Of course dating couples have an even higher “break-up” rate.
Why? Stop worrying about the why, and start working on lowering those divorce/break-up statistics. As our gift to couples, we offer the following “rules” as a first step to getting your relationship back on track – or keeping it there in the first place.
Counseling Rules For Couples
1. Change what you’re doing. You’re unhappy because what you’ve been doing isn’t working. So, try something different. If you’re yelling at each other, take a time out. If you’re sitting at home because you don’t have money to go out, go for walks. Malls, parks and beaches are no cost destinations.
2. No blocking. Everyone is allotted equal time to speak. Only one person speaks at a time. PERIOD. Stay in the present. Do not bring up past events/arguments, and stay on topic – discuss only one thing at a time.
3. Speak in “I” statements: I want, I think, I feel, I need, I see, I hope… STOP using “you” statements: you always; you never. “You” statements are accusations, and are not received well. “I” statements are heard as requests.
4. Use the word “and:” “I love you, and you piss me off…” STOP using the word “but:” “I love you, but you piss me off…” “But” erases everything that was said before. “And” joins the two thoughts, thus, everything said is heard.
5. Understand that statements are opinions – not facts. Everyone is entitled to have their own unique opinion and/or view of the situation at hand. Opinions/views, by their very nature, cannot be wrong.
6. Assume you can have only 2 of the following 3 choices: you can be married; you can be happy; you can be right. Sorry – can’t have all 3 at the same time.
7. Remember, the goal is emotional connection – 2 individuals who may walk different paths, but who are always looking in the same direction.
Linda and Mickey would be happy to help you hone these communication skills through couple’s counseling. And remember, most couples see a dramatic change in their relationship within three sessions.
|